“I’ll Be Your Lover Too” – Van Morrison
http://tinyurl.com/2u67hg6
It enters the room. Bold in its tenderness. Gently demanding my attention. He tickles the guitar with vigor. Moody drums, lightly dusting the high hat. Then he begins…singing. Honey flavor brandy and cigarette tinged moans. There is a rich longing in his tone. He is professing his duty to her. Honoring her place and proclaiming his. A full pledge of truth through understanding. An open armed invitation into his kingdom. Adorning her with a crown. Though lost in her gaze he steadies himself with the promise to protect and love her.
He and the music are reminiscent of a seasoned married couple. Completely yielding one to another. Each understanding the ways of the other. Never overstepping, a dual individual moving unit. It’s amazing the way they embrace. So careful not to taint the others purpose. Cautious in the way they allow each other to exist in their own right. I am merely an onlooker. A privileged passerby. If I wasn’t observant I would have completely missed their independence. While the beauty is made full through their union, I had to acknowledge their autonomy.
He is no dream merchant. She is the dream. She is the fulfillment. She is the embodiment. She is the purpose for his tone, the marriage of the instruments and his voice. She is the catalyst of the masculine tenderness, this manly vulnerability.
I can never listen to this song just once. It bears repeating. Please partake patiently and without distraction. Walk through its open door, settle into it and stay a little while.
Peace and blessings,
Mykisha
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Kindred Conversations
One day while perusing Twitter I came across this question from Slimthe78er, “Is it true that some things are just not to be overstood but just to go by your true intuitive energy?” Impulsively, I tried to answer. I rattled and racked my brain, for some reason I couldn’t phrase it properly. So, I slept on it, gathered my thoughts and this came to me, “We are not made to understand everything, but through intuition we are blessed to understand what is truly meant for us to experience.” He humbly thanked me for the response. From there we started building. The one hundred forty character parameters of the direct message box housed our thoughts. The course of this ongoing conversation took unexpected turns and revealed two people’s views on varying subjects.
When I turned thirty, I had what I’d describe as a re-birth, a new awakening. “I lost that sense of insecurity that plagues you in your youth. My self awareness was heightened. I relaxed into who I truly am.” He admitted to being a late bloomer but, expressed, “I have learned to embrace humility, humbleness, & knowing the more you know, the more there is to learn.” I piggybacked his truth with, “Humility has been the most rewarding gift. It opens the door to acceptance, which welcomes gratitude.”
In discussing some of the mediums I’m looking to take my poetry, he relieved that he is working on a project titled, G.I.R.L, an acronym for Getting In Relationships that Last. When asked his take on relationships, he offered, “My view is that times are changing for men and women. Relationships are hard because lots of us are stuck on old ways.” I easily agreed with the truth of that statement and replied, “With relationships there are compromises that have to be made. Some people aren't able to see pass their needs for a greater oneness.” With those virtual head nods exchanged, he asked, “Would you say that leaning towards woman or men. Who do you think got worse?” To which I retorted, “Women got worse, with the misguided “Independent” movement. Men reacted to the idea of them being quintessentially rejected by becoming visibly absent. It further allowed men to be unaccountable / irresponsible. You have women saying, I don’t need a man & men saying okay. Honestly, the actions of some women ruined the way men view all of us.”
Most of our conversations, opened with a simple question, “What’s the word?” When sincerity was offered for consumption, we ate of it gracefully. In relation, he described it as, “The all honest, the self evident true feeling, this is one of the most pure ways of true expression. Freedom from deceit...”, while I metaphorically replied, “Sincerity & honesty are married. Humility is their first born. There are no fakes in this family.”
After walking out off the direct message door the discussions ran the full gambit of life. We touched on child rearing, uplifting our youth, slavery, generational gaps, having basements and backyards with an effortless openness. We questioned each others ideas and expounding on shared notions.
Through these conversations I found that men and women can have kindred conversations. We can encourage, learn from and aid each other. That while we think and experience things completely different we have commonalities that bridge us. With all the talk of what’s wrong between the genders, these conversations have been a welcomed escape. I’m reminded that while the broad strokes of who we are as men and women are being painted, there are some of us that consciously choose to draw outside lines.
Peace and blessings,
Mykisha
Slimthe78er is a music producer and father based in the DC area.
Twitter: @slimthe78er
Youtube: www.youtube.com/user/SlimThe78er
Bandcamp: www.slimkat78.bandcamp.com
When I turned thirty, I had what I’d describe as a re-birth, a new awakening. “I lost that sense of insecurity that plagues you in your youth. My self awareness was heightened. I relaxed into who I truly am.” He admitted to being a late bloomer but, expressed, “I have learned to embrace humility, humbleness, & knowing the more you know, the more there is to learn.” I piggybacked his truth with, “Humility has been the most rewarding gift. It opens the door to acceptance, which welcomes gratitude.”
In discussing some of the mediums I’m looking to take my poetry, he relieved that he is working on a project titled, G.I.R.L, an acronym for Getting In Relationships that Last. When asked his take on relationships, he offered, “My view is that times are changing for men and women. Relationships are hard because lots of us are stuck on old ways.” I easily agreed with the truth of that statement and replied, “With relationships there are compromises that have to be made. Some people aren't able to see pass their needs for a greater oneness.” With those virtual head nods exchanged, he asked, “Would you say that leaning towards woman or men. Who do you think got worse?” To which I retorted, “Women got worse, with the misguided “Independent” movement. Men reacted to the idea of them being quintessentially rejected by becoming visibly absent. It further allowed men to be unaccountable / irresponsible. You have women saying, I don’t need a man & men saying okay. Honestly, the actions of some women ruined the way men view all of us.”
Most of our conversations, opened with a simple question, “What’s the word?” When sincerity was offered for consumption, we ate of it gracefully. In relation, he described it as, “The all honest, the self evident true feeling, this is one of the most pure ways of true expression. Freedom from deceit...”, while I metaphorically replied, “Sincerity & honesty are married. Humility is their first born. There are no fakes in this family.”
After walking out off the direct message door the discussions ran the full gambit of life. We touched on child rearing, uplifting our youth, slavery, generational gaps, having basements and backyards with an effortless openness. We questioned each others ideas and expounding on shared notions.
Through these conversations I found that men and women can have kindred conversations. We can encourage, learn from and aid each other. That while we think and experience things completely different we have commonalities that bridge us. With all the talk of what’s wrong between the genders, these conversations have been a welcomed escape. I’m reminded that while the broad strokes of who we are as men and women are being painted, there are some of us that consciously choose to draw outside lines.
Peace and blessings,
Mykisha
Slimthe78er is a music producer and father based in the DC area.
Twitter: @slimthe78er
Youtube: www.youtube.com/user/SlimThe78er
Bandcamp: www.slimkat78.bandcamp.com
Monday, June 14, 2010
A Mouth Full
I pensively approach you.
Arms crossed.
Glare straight.
We make eye contact.
You, smile – a half smile.
What is in your mouth?
Your eyes shift to the left.
You lose what’s left of your smile.
What is in your mouth?
I sit up straight.
Your posture softens.
Finally, your lips part.
Immediately, the air is filled with a vial smell.
You continue to speak.
Delicately placing each word.
It’s well rehearsed.
Tone and inflection, intricately positioned.
I’m thinking.
What the hell is he thinking?
Your words shower and cling to me.
Like hot grits confetti.
My eyes rolled to the back of my head.
My stomach turns and my face is flush.
Finally, I had enough.
This moment was truly defining.
My reply was simple.
“STOP LYING!”
Arms crossed.
Glare straight.
We make eye contact.
You, smile – a half smile.
What is in your mouth?
Your eyes shift to the left.
You lose what’s left of your smile.
What is in your mouth?
I sit up straight.
Your posture softens.
Finally, your lips part.
Immediately, the air is filled with a vial smell.
You continue to speak.
Delicately placing each word.
It’s well rehearsed.
Tone and inflection, intricately positioned.
I’m thinking.
What the hell is he thinking?
Your words shower and cling to me.
Like hot grits confetti.
My eyes rolled to the back of my head.
My stomach turns and my face is flush.
Finally, I had enough.
This moment was truly defining.
My reply was simple.
“STOP LYING!”
Haikus 2.0
He’s bobbing his head.
I smile and sing with my hands.
Music between us.
Crafty cuddler.
Bodies fit like a puzzle.
A piece is missing.
His fly is open.
She dangles from word to word.
He has set his trap.
While playing with words.
His tongue tickled her fancy.
No laughing matter.
She carries the weight.
The world rests on her shoulders.
She mothers us all.
Nymphomanic.
Hiding under skin & clothes.
Longing for freedom.
The edge grows closer.
It is overlooking death.
Seek greener pastures.
Infinite power.
A legend within a myth.
You are beautiful.
His voice like honey.
Sticky and finger licking.
Sweet melodies.
Very close to sleep.
Dear bed be my companion.
Make peace my promise
I smile and sing with my hands.
Music between us.
Crafty cuddler.
Bodies fit like a puzzle.
A piece is missing.
His fly is open.
She dangles from word to word.
He has set his trap.
While playing with words.
His tongue tickled her fancy.
No laughing matter.
She carries the weight.
The world rests on her shoulders.
She mothers us all.
Nymphomanic.
Hiding under skin & clothes.
Longing for freedom.
The edge grows closer.
It is overlooking death.
Seek greener pastures.
Infinite power.
A legend within a myth.
You are beautiful.
His voice like honey.
Sticky and finger licking.
Sweet melodies.
Very close to sleep.
Dear bed be my companion.
Make peace my promise
Haikus 1.0
I am blessed today.
With life, friends and family.
Gratitude expressed!
Look to the heavens.
Breathing in the new days grace.
Blessid awareness.
I know where he is.
Yet, his presence is absent.
I long for his touch.
I’m turning him on.
Pushing all of his buttons.
He’s undoing mine.
Fingertips on skin.
Slowly drag from point to point.
No compass needed.
We don’t speak often.
Our past has its own language.
Spoken in silence.
He shoots and he scores.
Mother cries, "Not my baby!"
Shooter still at large.
That smell in the air.
Passion and pheromones blend.
Intoxicating.
My magic potion.
Caused an odd proclaimation.
Let Ashlyn tell you.
With life, friends and family.
Gratitude expressed!
Look to the heavens.
Breathing in the new days grace.
Blessid awareness.
I know where he is.
Yet, his presence is absent.
I long for his touch.
I’m turning him on.
Pushing all of his buttons.
He’s undoing mine.
Fingertips on skin.
Slowly drag from point to point.
No compass needed.
We don’t speak often.
Our past has its own language.
Spoken in silence.
He shoots and he scores.
Mother cries, "Not my baby!"
Shooter still at large.
That smell in the air.
Passion and pheromones blend.
Intoxicating.
My magic potion.
Caused an odd proclaimation.
Let Ashlyn tell you.
The Urgency of I Love You
I promise to love you tomorrow.... As the energy raised giving air to my lungs, pushing through my mouth, playing on my tongue, my lips closed & held the phrase captive. I decided tomorrow is not soon enough. The urgency with which I love you could not wait for day to change to night & become day again. This stance must be taken immediately. So right now in this moment, I set the words free. Releasing them from my heart & not my head. Here I am…saying, I love you.
Remember to tell the people you love that you do......often!!!
Peace and blessings,
Mykisha
Remember to tell the people you love that you do......often!!!
Peace and blessings,
Mykisha
Friday, June 11, 2010
The Hold Out
Sex, in the most concrete aspect is a physical act, but abstractly is it an exchange of energy, a co-mingling of spirits, the opportunity to feel someone beyond touch. The chance to mix emotion, strength and endurance. If done properly, you should experience a glimpse of your counter parts soul. You should see their humanity. Not the whimsical, movie like feelings associated with sex. I’m talking about the kinetic, spiritual side. That thought alone reminds me that we aren’t meant to share ourselves too freely.
Growing up, I was told things like, “Keep your dress down and your pants up”, “Don’t give it up” and “Your virtue is your beauty”. With a complete understanding of this sage and Christian advice, I struggle. By no means are my legs like an elevator: push a button, they open and you take a ride. But I will say that I am no stranger to an awesome sexcapade.
All of this vacillating has led me to what my friends have dubbed a drought, but I’ve affectionately named The Hold Out. The principle of The Hold Out is addressing my needs as a whole person and forgoing sex for a true connection. I believe that every man is flavored differently. Some sweet, spicy, tangy or hot, all of which suit my pallet in one way or another. The package may read a certain way, but you never really know until you open the contents and taste. Pretty packaging and clever marketing can get you caught up. I work to carefully decipher what is worth tasting. I’ve decided to forsake gluttony.
The Hold Out has made for some interesting challenges and bizarre rewards. I’ve mastered the fine art of resisting the late night invitation from an excellent lover. Call me insane, but I felt guilty for using someone in that way. Not that the use wasn’t symbiotic. I’m challenged daily by fantasies, memories, visions of sex and sweat and wet kisses. I combat it through writing, trade it off for vicarious stories and address it aggressively in the shower. While my friends are willing to share in detail, I’m often the butt of odd jokes, “You just need to get your kitty punched!” or “You don’t need help, you just need some dick!” Though not tangible in anyway, I’m reward by challenging my desires for something bigger than girth, length and stiffness. Woosaa!!!
It has caused me to question who I am as a woman. How does what I experience sexually get me closer to who I’m striving to be? If by my own example of it being a spiritual experience, was the connection worth it if it only happens in a bed or kitchen counter or a couch? Am I strong enough in my womanhood to be principle driven? I’ve come to realize that while I feel slightly insane at times, this will not be the death of me. Moreover, I tip my hat to the control freak in me in, as it is stronger than the freak!
But if one day, afternoon or night I crack under this pressure, was it all in vain? I don’t believe so. Don’t judge me for creating my own trap door! This experience has taught me lean on my faith more; to examine my deeper needs and desires. I’m grateful for my stance and the sense of purpose it has given me.
Sexual liberation through repression. Odd concept? Yes! Should every woman at some point have their own Hold Out? That question is left for them to decide.
Peace and blessings,
Mykisha
Growing up, I was told things like, “Keep your dress down and your pants up”, “Don’t give it up” and “Your virtue is your beauty”. With a complete understanding of this sage and Christian advice, I struggle. By no means are my legs like an elevator: push a button, they open and you take a ride. But I will say that I am no stranger to an awesome sexcapade.
All of this vacillating has led me to what my friends have dubbed a drought, but I’ve affectionately named The Hold Out. The principle of The Hold Out is addressing my needs as a whole person and forgoing sex for a true connection. I believe that every man is flavored differently. Some sweet, spicy, tangy or hot, all of which suit my pallet in one way or another. The package may read a certain way, but you never really know until you open the contents and taste. Pretty packaging and clever marketing can get you caught up. I work to carefully decipher what is worth tasting. I’ve decided to forsake gluttony.
The Hold Out has made for some interesting challenges and bizarre rewards. I’ve mastered the fine art of resisting the late night invitation from an excellent lover. Call me insane, but I felt guilty for using someone in that way. Not that the use wasn’t symbiotic. I’m challenged daily by fantasies, memories, visions of sex and sweat and wet kisses. I combat it through writing, trade it off for vicarious stories and address it aggressively in the shower. While my friends are willing to share in detail, I’m often the butt of odd jokes, “You just need to get your kitty punched!” or “You don’t need help, you just need some dick!” Though not tangible in anyway, I’m reward by challenging my desires for something bigger than girth, length and stiffness. Woosaa!!!
It has caused me to question who I am as a woman. How does what I experience sexually get me closer to who I’m striving to be? If by my own example of it being a spiritual experience, was the connection worth it if it only happens in a bed or kitchen counter or a couch? Am I strong enough in my womanhood to be principle driven? I’ve come to realize that while I feel slightly insane at times, this will not be the death of me. Moreover, I tip my hat to the control freak in me in, as it is stronger than the freak!
But if one day, afternoon or night I crack under this pressure, was it all in vain? I don’t believe so. Don’t judge me for creating my own trap door! This experience has taught me lean on my faith more; to examine my deeper needs and desires. I’m grateful for my stance and the sense of purpose it has given me.
Sexual liberation through repression. Odd concept? Yes! Should every woman at some point have their own Hold Out? That question is left for them to decide.
Peace and blessings,
Mykisha
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
An Open Letter To All The Other Open Letters (A Defense of Stayve Jerome Thomas)
When it comes to Black male and female relationships, I've been trying to hold my tongue from speaking on it for a while. Quite frankly, the subject is old, and I get frustrated at the unwillingness of both parties to really listen to each other and to actually act out the solutions being offered and suggested. Often times the statements and conclusions become predictable.
Before I continue I'm going to lay out a few things...
I'm a Black male in my late 20s. My mother raised me and my older sister. I have lived around women basically all of my life. Most of my understanding of "how to be a man" came from the trials and learning that me and other male friends (most of whom were raised by their mothers) tried to discover through life and bouncing our expereinces off one another. Wisdom through peers. Many times I would try to gain understanding of how to be a man by asking other women's opinions, other times through older males. When it comes to male and female interactions, I almost always lean in favor for women because of the horrible things I have seen men do to women. Whether it be domestic violence, infidelity, mind games, any of that, I've seen it, heard about it, and know women who have experienced it. My mother was an activist. Very proud and strong willed. You ain't seen a strong Black woman with an education til you met my mother. Trust me.
I have a BA from an acclaimed private college, and went to UCLA for my MA. Since graduating 4 years ago I have been laid off 3 times, and have been struggling to get back on my feet. I am not the largest dude, never played sports. I am an artist at heart. Overall, I think I can confidently say that I am what most Black women say they want minus the financial success and being over 6 feet tall. There's only one girl I ever dated that was of another race. Otherwise, I much prefer darker skinned Black women (you can thank my mom for that).
I have some of Slim Thug's music. A few mixtapes and his album Already Platinum. I also listen to Miles Davis, Bjork, and all kinds of other stuff. There's no way you can pigeon-hole me. As soon as I read his Vibe article I knew what was coming, one of them being a Black academic breakdown of what he said/implied.
Many "successful" Black folks have a problem relating to other Blacks that didn't go to college or finish high school. If they aren't using big enough words, citing statistics, or saying it in a way that we like for our public image, we go into teacher mode. We throw some bell hooks in the mix to exercise our knowledge.
Many times Black women in college would debate what I would say when it came to relationships and seemingly dismantle me in a discussion about "capitalist patriarchy", sexism, and the like. No man is without his fault of his sexism, but guess what? There are a lot of women who support the cycle of sexism. So before you critique a man about his "sexism" understand that what they are patterning themselves after are often times things that other women say that they want.
Such as-
"I want a man who can lead."
"I want a man who can keep me in check sometimes."
"I need a man who can protect me."
These are the 3 most used sentences I have heard from various Black women throughout my life. And every time I hear it, it seems odd to me. The same things women say they want contradict the ideas of feminism in the way I understand it. How can I lead, protect, and check you without already holding a position of superiority? That has yet to be explained in a way that doesn't contradict itself. And lets say I am able to do all of those things. What's the woman's role in the relationship?
I spoke to a Black female professor at my college that many of the women at my school studied under, revered and loved.
I said "All of these Black women look up to you. They quote you all the time. They love you. And these same systems you are teaching to help us grow, to fight oppression, are getting used against other Black men like me. So the same people I want to fight alongside are fighting against me. What am I supposed to do?"
All she could say was: "Listen...I'm not giving solutions, these are only theories."I was upset by that answer. It was as if all these things we were taught were just excersises in "What if...?". A theory is not an answer.
But it also made me realize that there is no one answer to everything to solve Black issues.
I say all that to say this- All of us so called "educated" black people need to be quiet. Cause in the end, we don't always know what we're talking about. One of the biggest gripes I have right now is this elitist attitude people are having in discrediting Slim's intelligence, as if he has no idea of how to interact with other humans. Somehow, he has no idea what he's talking about because he didn't articulate it "intellectually".
Stayve Jerome Thomas aka Slim Thug is a rapper from Houston. As far as I know he doesn't have any degrees. He worked his way to become a local celebrity, distributed his own mixtapes, started an independent label, and has had a major label debut. He even appeared alongside many women's idol, Beyonce. The video for Hip Hop Saved My Life by Lupe Fiasco was inspired by Slim Thug's rise, as Lupe himself stated. Despite the perception of Slim Thug, he's an entrepreneur, and has done more before his 30s than many people. So lets not discount his intelligence. Through it all, people (especially women) are upset by what his feelings and opinions are on Black women in relationships. He didn't say he never dated, will never date, or does not like Black women. He said what his friends do and have said with regard to White women giving them less of a hard time. And I have heard the same from other Black men. He stated his opinion, it was printed. This is about the interaction in a relationship. Not about domestic violence, stats, and so forth. So it seems most people want to discredit everything he said. This debate isn't new. What he said isn't new, nor are the reactions. Now what?
"Well I'm not an angry black woman. I won't just cook and clean for you. You just want a white girl cause she'll let you walk all over her and do anything, I ain't' gonna bow down to you!"
There's a difference between being a doormat, and being loyal. It doesn't mean you do everything a man says.
I'm going to break some news to you: White women are usually more loyal and less argumentative.
From what I've seen overall, most men period rather a woman who is less argumentative. Why? Because if you are asking me to lead and be responsible, I don't want to constantly argue about my decision. If you are trusting me to lead or to display my leadership, then someone is going to follow. If we keep running into debates or you are going to try to hold superiority over me, then it's not going to work. It doesn't mean you don't stand up for what you feel is right, but if we are going to continually have a tug of war, debate, or argue over something, then it's not healthy. There's a difference between being a "strong" black woman and being an "unwilling" black woman. You can put up a debate and have a strong will. That's great. But at some point a decision has to be made. If two people keep coming to impasses where neither is willing to compromise, it's not going to work. This is about the interaction in a relationship, not how well someone can show out. You can take that how you want, but this is how a lot of men operate. If you care about getting and keeping a man, maybe that will help.
Believe it or not, there are women who are gold diggers like Slim Thug described.
There are women who will not "lower" or "compromise" their standards. And yes, standards can be too high. You may not think yours are, but they might be. And sometimes it's not so much the standards, but the unwillingness to try anything different.
I have no shame in admitting that I need a woman to complete my vision of happiness. And yes, I want it to be a Black woman.
It seems like most women don't want to believe what Slim Thug said MIGHT be true.
And then throughout today we have open letters, rants, and debates.
Sorry Black women, but the more you keep throwing stones at him the more he can say "See. I told you."
And as much as women say they dislike his mentality, it's the same mentality that many women still go for, even if they dont admit it. He never said he's better than a woman, but clearly he feels there is a lead position he must take. Is that surprising? Trust me I've heard worse. I know lots of Black men who have openly stated "I'M the catch. I'M the one that most women want. I'm a Black man and I'm successful. Shit, they should prove to ME why they're worth MY time."
So the question becomes what are you going to bring into the relationship? The first response is always "I won't cook and clean and be a maid or his mom." I hear more Black women saying what they won't do than what they will do. And when a women comes along and says that they will do what the other woman won't, she's gets wifed. And she gets the benefits of having the protective man that can lead. Yes people, it's a new day. Black women are now doing the mating call and showing that they are a prime catch. It's survival of the fittest to get a Black man.
Please spare me statistics, or re-eading this to find sentences you can dismantle (espeically out of context).
I actually think you should re-read Slim Thug's words for what they say, not what you think he said or is implying. Things in print aren't the same as a conversation.
Yes these are generalities. We all generalize. We all have opinions that someone out there disagrees with.
No, I do not agree with everything Slim Thug said, but I do understand his point. Implying racial superiority definitely is problematic; but, I can point out a lot of cultural differences I see between African Americans and others, and one of them is how we value relationships and family. It's not just falling apart because of outside forces but because of internal issues.
Yes, Black men have done a lot of things wrong, but that doesn't mean every Black woman is without blame.
Yes, Black women have carried many of the burdens that have weighed down on Black people through history; but, what does that have to do with the interaction of boyfriend & girlfriend, or husband and wife?
I've seen a lot of Black women dating white men as of late. It stirs a little anger in me, but what can I do about it?
I think more people are angry because what he said was more true than it was offensive.
But that could just be my opinion.
Life goes on, and I still love Black women.
"Black peoples’ mentality is real fucked up in general [and] it’s affecting everything." -Slim Thug
Written by Yohance Serrant
*The opinions expressed here are the views of the writer and do not necessarily reflect
my views and opinions.
Before I continue I'm going to lay out a few things...
I'm a Black male in my late 20s. My mother raised me and my older sister. I have lived around women basically all of my life. Most of my understanding of "how to be a man" came from the trials and learning that me and other male friends (most of whom were raised by their mothers) tried to discover through life and bouncing our expereinces off one another. Wisdom through peers. Many times I would try to gain understanding of how to be a man by asking other women's opinions, other times through older males. When it comes to male and female interactions, I almost always lean in favor for women because of the horrible things I have seen men do to women. Whether it be domestic violence, infidelity, mind games, any of that, I've seen it, heard about it, and know women who have experienced it. My mother was an activist. Very proud and strong willed. You ain't seen a strong Black woman with an education til you met my mother. Trust me.
I have a BA from an acclaimed private college, and went to UCLA for my MA. Since graduating 4 years ago I have been laid off 3 times, and have been struggling to get back on my feet. I am not the largest dude, never played sports. I am an artist at heart. Overall, I think I can confidently say that I am what most Black women say they want minus the financial success and being over 6 feet tall. There's only one girl I ever dated that was of another race. Otherwise, I much prefer darker skinned Black women (you can thank my mom for that).
I have some of Slim Thug's music. A few mixtapes and his album Already Platinum. I also listen to Miles Davis, Bjork, and all kinds of other stuff. There's no way you can pigeon-hole me. As soon as I read his Vibe article I knew what was coming, one of them being a Black academic breakdown of what he said/implied.
Many "successful" Black folks have a problem relating to other Blacks that didn't go to college or finish high school. If they aren't using big enough words, citing statistics, or saying it in a way that we like for our public image, we go into teacher mode. We throw some bell hooks in the mix to exercise our knowledge.
Many times Black women in college would debate what I would say when it came to relationships and seemingly dismantle me in a discussion about "capitalist patriarchy", sexism, and the like. No man is without his fault of his sexism, but guess what? There are a lot of women who support the cycle of sexism. So before you critique a man about his "sexism" understand that what they are patterning themselves after are often times things that other women say that they want.
Such as-
"I want a man who can lead."
"I want a man who can keep me in check sometimes."
"I need a man who can protect me."
These are the 3 most used sentences I have heard from various Black women throughout my life. And every time I hear it, it seems odd to me. The same things women say they want contradict the ideas of feminism in the way I understand it. How can I lead, protect, and check you without already holding a position of superiority? That has yet to be explained in a way that doesn't contradict itself. And lets say I am able to do all of those things. What's the woman's role in the relationship?
I spoke to a Black female professor at my college that many of the women at my school studied under, revered and loved.
I said "All of these Black women look up to you. They quote you all the time. They love you. And these same systems you are teaching to help us grow, to fight oppression, are getting used against other Black men like me. So the same people I want to fight alongside are fighting against me. What am I supposed to do?"
All she could say was: "Listen...I'm not giving solutions, these are only theories."I was upset by that answer. It was as if all these things we were taught were just excersises in "What if...?". A theory is not an answer.
But it also made me realize that there is no one answer to everything to solve Black issues.
I say all that to say this- All of us so called "educated" black people need to be quiet. Cause in the end, we don't always know what we're talking about. One of the biggest gripes I have right now is this elitist attitude people are having in discrediting Slim's intelligence, as if he has no idea of how to interact with other humans. Somehow, he has no idea what he's talking about because he didn't articulate it "intellectually".
Stayve Jerome Thomas aka Slim Thug is a rapper from Houston. As far as I know he doesn't have any degrees. He worked his way to become a local celebrity, distributed his own mixtapes, started an independent label, and has had a major label debut. He even appeared alongside many women's idol, Beyonce. The video for Hip Hop Saved My Life by Lupe Fiasco was inspired by Slim Thug's rise, as Lupe himself stated. Despite the perception of Slim Thug, he's an entrepreneur, and has done more before his 30s than many people. So lets not discount his intelligence. Through it all, people (especially women) are upset by what his feelings and opinions are on Black women in relationships. He didn't say he never dated, will never date, or does not like Black women. He said what his friends do and have said with regard to White women giving them less of a hard time. And I have heard the same from other Black men. He stated his opinion, it was printed. This is about the interaction in a relationship. Not about domestic violence, stats, and so forth. So it seems most people want to discredit everything he said. This debate isn't new. What he said isn't new, nor are the reactions. Now what?
"Well I'm not an angry black woman. I won't just cook and clean for you. You just want a white girl cause she'll let you walk all over her and do anything, I ain't' gonna bow down to you!"
There's a difference between being a doormat, and being loyal. It doesn't mean you do everything a man says.
I'm going to break some news to you: White women are usually more loyal and less argumentative.
From what I've seen overall, most men period rather a woman who is less argumentative. Why? Because if you are asking me to lead and be responsible, I don't want to constantly argue about my decision. If you are trusting me to lead or to display my leadership, then someone is going to follow. If we keep running into debates or you are going to try to hold superiority over me, then it's not going to work. It doesn't mean you don't stand up for what you feel is right, but if we are going to continually have a tug of war, debate, or argue over something, then it's not healthy. There's a difference between being a "strong" black woman and being an "unwilling" black woman. You can put up a debate and have a strong will. That's great. But at some point a decision has to be made. If two people keep coming to impasses where neither is willing to compromise, it's not going to work. This is about the interaction in a relationship, not how well someone can show out. You can take that how you want, but this is how a lot of men operate. If you care about getting and keeping a man, maybe that will help.
Believe it or not, there are women who are gold diggers like Slim Thug described.
There are women who will not "lower" or "compromise" their standards. And yes, standards can be too high. You may not think yours are, but they might be. And sometimes it's not so much the standards, but the unwillingness to try anything different.
I have no shame in admitting that I need a woman to complete my vision of happiness. And yes, I want it to be a Black woman.
It seems like most women don't want to believe what Slim Thug said MIGHT be true.
And then throughout today we have open letters, rants, and debates.
Sorry Black women, but the more you keep throwing stones at him the more he can say "See. I told you."
And as much as women say they dislike his mentality, it's the same mentality that many women still go for, even if they dont admit it. He never said he's better than a woman, but clearly he feels there is a lead position he must take. Is that surprising? Trust me I've heard worse. I know lots of Black men who have openly stated "I'M the catch. I'M the one that most women want. I'm a Black man and I'm successful. Shit, they should prove to ME why they're worth MY time."
So the question becomes what are you going to bring into the relationship? The first response is always "I won't cook and clean and be a maid or his mom." I hear more Black women saying what they won't do than what they will do. And when a women comes along and says that they will do what the other woman won't, she's gets wifed. And she gets the benefits of having the protective man that can lead. Yes people, it's a new day. Black women are now doing the mating call and showing that they are a prime catch. It's survival of the fittest to get a Black man.
Please spare me statistics, or re-eading this to find sentences you can dismantle (espeically out of context).
I actually think you should re-read Slim Thug's words for what they say, not what you think he said or is implying. Things in print aren't the same as a conversation.
Yes these are generalities. We all generalize. We all have opinions that someone out there disagrees with.
No, I do not agree with everything Slim Thug said, but I do understand his point. Implying racial superiority definitely is problematic; but, I can point out a lot of cultural differences I see between African Americans and others, and one of them is how we value relationships and family. It's not just falling apart because of outside forces but because of internal issues.
Yes, Black men have done a lot of things wrong, but that doesn't mean every Black woman is without blame.
Yes, Black women have carried many of the burdens that have weighed down on Black people through history; but, what does that have to do with the interaction of boyfriend & girlfriend, or husband and wife?
I've seen a lot of Black women dating white men as of late. It stirs a little anger in me, but what can I do about it?
I think more people are angry because what he said was more true than it was offensive.
But that could just be my opinion.
Life goes on, and I still love Black women.
"Black peoples’ mentality is real fucked up in general [and] it’s affecting everything." -Slim Thug
Written by Yohance Serrant
*The opinions expressed here are the views of the writer and do not necessarily reflect
my views and opinions.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Love, Lamentations & Lessons
Many nights and some days single me and relationship lorn me do battle. They wrestle, sling mud, it can get quite nasty. But, love longing me get’s caught daydreaming of a life partner. Someone to interlock fingers with. Veg out on my couch with. Cook meals for. Inspire my writing. Through all of my desires I’ve come to realize how hard it is to meet, cultivate and sustain a relationship.
While cleaning my room last night my past revealed itself through cards, letters, poems & gifts given by past loves. With every brief smile, slow sigh & light huff, I was reminded of the mistakes I’ve made along the way.
One man professed a love for me that left him bewildered, dumbfounded. I was too young mentally & in spirit to grasp it. My rejection was as sharp as his love was heavy. We share life through a son now. It saddened me to know how much I’d hurt him. This hurt is a reflection of the nature of our current relationship. Disdain, no harmony, contempt. A constant ebb & flow of digression.
My trip down memory lane continued with the odds cards and gifts given by the man I once considered the love of my life. If there was a tangible way to measure love, by sight or touch we would have been the instrument used to tackle such a feat. When time, growth & maturity became the agent of our dismantling, there was still grace. We shared blame for our demise. Possession, infidelity, control. Me not wanting to be my mother & him not wanting to be his father. Unknowingly, our attempts to outrun our makers made us martyrs.
I have had some relationships beyond these that obviously didn’t last. The mirror’s imagine doesn’t always reflect a victim in the end. I’ve been a fence sitter, a brick wall builder, a busy body in the midst of a relationship. Before fully opening the door, I’ve retreated.
Most times I celebrate my freedom, celebrate that as I please I can do. Oftimes, in the midst of this so called celebration, I feel like putting my glass down, turning on all the lights & sweeping up the confetti. Yes, I know through Christ I am never alone. Yes, I’m blessed to be able to manage my household & care for my son. Yes, I have beautiful sister friends & a caring family. For all of this I am beyond grateful, as I am fully aware that I am more fortunate than many others.
Then there are fleeting moments of lament, questions & longing. How do I squeeze this proverbial him into an increasingly tightening schedule? What is the integration process? What do I sacrifice? Moreover, at what point do I deem him worth the sacrifice? People say when you meet the right one, everything will work out. Honestly, at this point that sounds absurd.
I’ve learned to remain prayerful, to keep a smile on my face and across my heart. I have also realized that I don’t know all of the answers. That realization leaves me wearing the most ill-fitting shoes ever. How can the sage, the diplomat be without an explanation, some type of rationalization? The reason lives within me, hidden in my spirit, in vivid colors & honest exchanges. As long as I continue to search for the reason, maybe through this revelation, I will find that ever illusive WE.
Through all that I feel, more than any other feeling I am grateful for Hope. Through hope I am not bitter, afraid or callous. Hope sustains the longing, nurtures the desire & keeps fear at bay. So with a hopeful heart, mind & spirit I am a student of my past, an active participant in my present & patiently anticipating my future.
Peace & blessings,
Mykisha
While cleaning my room last night my past revealed itself through cards, letters, poems & gifts given by past loves. With every brief smile, slow sigh & light huff, I was reminded of the mistakes I’ve made along the way.
One man professed a love for me that left him bewildered, dumbfounded. I was too young mentally & in spirit to grasp it. My rejection was as sharp as his love was heavy. We share life through a son now. It saddened me to know how much I’d hurt him. This hurt is a reflection of the nature of our current relationship. Disdain, no harmony, contempt. A constant ebb & flow of digression.
My trip down memory lane continued with the odds cards and gifts given by the man I once considered the love of my life. If there was a tangible way to measure love, by sight or touch we would have been the instrument used to tackle such a feat. When time, growth & maturity became the agent of our dismantling, there was still grace. We shared blame for our demise. Possession, infidelity, control. Me not wanting to be my mother & him not wanting to be his father. Unknowingly, our attempts to outrun our makers made us martyrs.
I have had some relationships beyond these that obviously didn’t last. The mirror’s imagine doesn’t always reflect a victim in the end. I’ve been a fence sitter, a brick wall builder, a busy body in the midst of a relationship. Before fully opening the door, I’ve retreated.
Most times I celebrate my freedom, celebrate that as I please I can do. Oftimes, in the midst of this so called celebration, I feel like putting my glass down, turning on all the lights & sweeping up the confetti. Yes, I know through Christ I am never alone. Yes, I’m blessed to be able to manage my household & care for my son. Yes, I have beautiful sister friends & a caring family. For all of this I am beyond grateful, as I am fully aware that I am more fortunate than many others.
Then there are fleeting moments of lament, questions & longing. How do I squeeze this proverbial him into an increasingly tightening schedule? What is the integration process? What do I sacrifice? Moreover, at what point do I deem him worth the sacrifice? People say when you meet the right one, everything will work out. Honestly, at this point that sounds absurd.
I’ve learned to remain prayerful, to keep a smile on my face and across my heart. I have also realized that I don’t know all of the answers. That realization leaves me wearing the most ill-fitting shoes ever. How can the sage, the diplomat be without an explanation, some type of rationalization? The reason lives within me, hidden in my spirit, in vivid colors & honest exchanges. As long as I continue to search for the reason, maybe through this revelation, I will find that ever illusive WE.
Through all that I feel, more than any other feeling I am grateful for Hope. Through hope I am not bitter, afraid or callous. Hope sustains the longing, nurtures the desire & keeps fear at bay. So with a hopeful heart, mind & spirit I am a student of my past, an active participant in my present & patiently anticipating my future.
Peace & blessings,
Mykisha
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